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The 22 Stages
of "Real-Life" Learning
1. "Um, I have a problem?" (CLUELESS)
2. "I have this vague feeling that something's not
going well in this area of my life, but I just can't put my finger
on it." (HUNCH)
3. "Actually, it's making me feel crappy. I can put my
finger on that." (PAIN)
4. "But … (DENIAL)
a) That's life. (It's my lot in life.) (Pain and suffering
build character—until they kill you.)
b) It's not really that bad.
c) It will go away…I think.
d) It's my style. That's the way I am.
e) It's the other guy's fault.
5. "It's getting worse. I guess I have to do something.
But I don't want to exert much effort. There must be an easy and
magical way to change this situation!" (FANTASY)
6. "I can't take this any longer! I've got to do
something since I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm
going to do whatever it takes to change my behavior." (THE
TURNING POINT)
7. "Now, what do I do?" (THE WAIT OR SEARCH
BEGINS)
8. "Here's a specific method for making this particular
change. Good!" (FINDING A MAP OF THE MOUNTAIN TO BE CLIMBED)
9. "How bad could it be? A journey of a thousand miles
must begin with one step!"
(FALSE CONFIDENCE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE MOUNTAIN)
10. "Oh crap, this is going to be a lot harder than I
thought. I didn't realize I had let things get this bad."
(FEAR AND TREMBLING, TEN PACES UP THE MOUNTAIN)
11. "This is too hard. I quit!" (THE FIRST OF MANY
STOPS)
12. (time passes) "Ouch!" (MORE PAIN-THE FIRST OF
MANY RESTARTS)
13. "Now I feel like my progress is satisfactory, since
I do things differently." (SOME LEARNING HAS OCCURRED)
14. "I've overcome the obstacle!" (FALSE
CONFIDENCE AT THE BEGINNINGS OF CHANGE)
15. "Oh, poop! I'm regressing back to how I was."
(A SLIP, PART OR ALL OF THE WAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN)
16. "Hmmm, let's think about what's going on. What does
it really take to make the change stick?" (BEGINNING OF
SERIOUS RESEARCH AND/ OR DEEP OBSERVATION)
17. "Instead of trying to go straight up the mountain, I'll look
for a guide, or sit down and figure out the best techniques and
route." (A SIDEWAYS DETOUR THAT WILL SAVE MUCH TIME AND
ENERGY LATER)
18. "Now I'm moving!" (GOOD PROGRESS UP THE
MOUNTAIN)
19. "Now I know the skill of climbing so well, I can do
it without thought or stressful conscious effort." (SOME
INTEGRATION AND LEARNING)
20. "Now I can give attention to some of the other
areas of my life again, and still do enough climbing each
day." (MORE INTEGRATION AND LEARNING HAS OCCURRED)
21. "Now I'm at the top of the mountain!" (THE
LEARNING HAS HAPPENED, THE OBSTACLE HAS BEEN OVERCOME)
22. "Now I'm looking at the sunset, thinking about how
I accomplished my goal, and realizing that the learning and the
path was possibly more important than reaching the goal."
(APPRECIATION)
Comment Imagine
how this would have gone if the person had ongoing personal
support from a Buddy or small group. Imagine also how the
learning would have been faster with clear, non-threatening
feedback from someone else (through Sounding Board or another
process.) You can get feedback and support from
psychologists and personal coaches, but they are usually too
expensive to use on an ongoing basis. But life learning
takes place on an ongoing basis.
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